Go to the butcher
Select a bird fresh, not frozen
Carry it home while whistling a merry tune
Unwrap the bird and place it on the kitchen counter
Now, singing a merry tune,
Rub the bird with salt and garlic
And ask, “How ya doin’ there?”
Then answer the question with “You are lookin’ just fine.”
Massage the bird gently for ten minutes with olive oil
While whispering softly, “Relax, relax, relax.”
Heat the oven to three hundred fifty degrees
While continuing to rub the turkey as you might like for yourself
Now lift the bird and place it in a baking pan
With a happy lilt in your voice, bend over close to the bird
And say, “You’re taking a trip to Florida.”
Slip the baking pan in the oven
When the bird is brown and done,
Remove it from the heat
You will have the most tender and tasty turkey
You have ever eaten